Why "Likes" Aren't the Same as Mattering
Scroll through almost any social platform and you’ll see a scoreboard beneath every post: hearts, thumbs, claps, view counts. It’s easy to assume these “stats” mean something powerful — that you’ve been seen, that you actually matter.
But here’s the problem: research shows that being liked is not the same as mattering.
Mattering is more than attention. It’s feeling valued (being noticed and cared about) and adding value (contributing to others and being needed).
Social media reactions capture only one half of that equation — being noticed. That’s why it’s so easy to confuse a cascade of hearts for real significance… and end up feeling empty despite all the clicks and claps.
How to increase true mattering
Here are some evidence-based strategies to help you feel truly valued and significant:
1) Express appreciation to others
Showing others they matter can also increase your own sense of mattering.
Tell someone how they impacted you
Publicly acknowledge the contributions of others
Send thank-you notes
2) Help others in concrete ways
Studies show that prosocial behavior increases our feelings of significance and belonging.
Become a volunteer at your local hospital
Mentor a junior colleague in your department
Help an elderly neighbour carrying their groceries
3) Strengthen relational bonds
Share with others what you’ve been working on or something important to you. By sharing, you give others the opportunity to value and support you.
Schedule coffee or tea time with a friend and tell them what you’ve been up to
Accept social invitations from friends
4) Ask for help
Allowing others to show up for you not only helps them feel that they matter, it also reinforces that you are valued and cared about.
If you need help finishing a task at work, ask a colleague if they could spare some time to help you
Ask a friend to drive you to a medical appointment if you rather not go on your own
In a world that counts hearts, claps, and views, it’s easy to mistake attention for significance. Real mattering grows in subtler ways: through appreciation, contribution, connection, and the courage to let others show up for you.
It’s not the clicks that make you matter — it’s the impact you create and the bonds you nurture.
Choose two strategies to try this month: one that helps you feel cared about and one where you contribute to someone else. After a month, check in with yourself — has it changed your sense of well-being?
If you enjoyed this post, please forward it to one person who might find it helpful.
Reference:
Flett, G. L. (2018). The psychology of mattering: Understanding the human need to be significant. Elsevier Academic Press.
Professor Pozzulo’s Pick
Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose by Jennifer Breheny Wallace (2026)
Happy reading!
Dr. Pozzulo
-When we read, we feel better