Once Upon a Stranger: The Science of How “Small” Talk Can Add Up to a Big Life by Dr. Gillian Sandstrom
Ever feel like you want to chat, but everyone you know is busy? Why not venture down to your local coffee shop and strike up a conversation with the cashier, barista, or even the person standing in line?
In Once Upon a Stranger: The Science of How Small Talk Can Add Up to a Big Life, Sandstrom explains the benefits of talking to strangers. If you’re anything like me, you may be thinking, “I’m not comfortable talking to strangers!”. But by the end of the book, you may be ready to give it a try.
Sandstrom has made it her mission to understand why we feel anxious even thinking about talking to strangers and how pushing through our fears may give us massive well-being benefits and may even change our life. As Sandstrom demonstrates talking to strangers is a skill that can be learned and developed. The more conversations you have with strangers, the easier it gets.
Every day we have opportunities to create moments of connection with people we may never see again. Talking to strangers decreases loneliness, increases connectedness and adds spontaneity and novelty to your life. Talking to strangers is an opportunity for a laugh, learning, and connection. A quick chat – or even a simple, “good morning” or a smile - creates a moment of connection where both people feel seen and that they matter (recall my previous pick, Mattering by Jennifer Breheny Wallace).
Sandstrom’s goal with this book is to remind all of us why it’s meaningful and healthy to talk to strangers. If you are feeling a little apprehensive or not sure where to start, Sandstrom provides several tips and strategies in the Appendix.
I will admit that this book is a bit out of my comfort zone but I am willing to give it a try the next time I am waiting for my latte. The well-being benefits are worth it!
Try this: The “One Stranger a Day” Challenge
For the next week, challenge yourself to have one small interaction each day with someone you don’t know. It doesn’t have to be a deep or long exchange - the goal is simply connection.
Some easy starting points:
Compliment someone’s dog
Ask the barista how their day is going
Make a comment while waiting in line at the grocery store
Smile and say “good morning” to someone you pass on a walk in your neighbourhood
At a restaurant, ask someone what they ordered if it looks delicious
After each interaction, take 30 seconds to reflect:
How did you feel before the conversation?
How did you feel afterward?
Did anything surprise you?
Did the interaction change your mood, even slightly?
By the end of the week, notice whether these tiny moments of connection made your days feel a little warmer, lighter, or less lonely.
Let me know what you think.
Professor Pozzulo’s Pick
For a deeper dive on how to talk to strangers read, Once Upon a Stranger: The Science of How Small Talk Can Add Up to a Big Life by Dr. Gillian Sandstrom (2026).
Happy reading (and chatting)!
Dr. Pozzulo
-When we read, we feel better